Kai's Christmas meme

Kai is visiting us as a guest blogger here today, answering questions about his Christmas traditions, because he has so many. The questions are from a Christmas-themed meme I saw over at Frog and Toad Are Still Friends, and I thought that it might be entertaining to find out what Kai thinks about Christmas.

For the record, I'm not making any of this up. These are his answers, as verbatim as I can type.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

Kai: Wrapping paper, because you have to wrap something that's in a box, and you need a box and wrapping paper, and you do that if... if it's on your birthday not Christmas. On Christmas you make Christmas cards for some people and Santa comes and gives you presents only if you’re good and if you’re bad you’ll get coal and that’s because you were bad.

2. Real tree or artificial?

K: Well, let’s talk about… um… let’s talk about these two things. Let’s actually talk about Chia Cat Grass and Chia pets instead. So trees are for squirrel’s homes, and they collect nuts for the winter, and they only collect nuts. Lots and lots and lots of nuts, so they can be warm and cozy when they’re sleepy. And... (big pause)

Becky: Is there more?

K: Yeah, there is. The Ov Glove can not get your fingers to burn, it can protect you fingers and it can hold onto slippery dishes, and the Ov Gloves are used by fire fighters, and that’s, um, people always make sure it’s the ov Glove. Number 3?

3. When do you put up the tree?

K: When it’s not Christmas Eve, and on Christmas Eve you hang your stockings. When you put your tree up, you leave it up until Christmas Eve because your house needs to be decorated, because if it’s not, I think Santa won’t come to your house, and that’s maybe because it’s not Christmas there. Done. Number 4?

4. When do you take the tree down?

K: Well, you do it when it’s not Christmas, and it’s not Christmas Eve, and it’s not nighttime. That’s when you take it down. Right mommy?

B: right.

5. Do you like eggnog?

K: What’s eggnog?

B: It's a drink that's made with milk and eggs and it's a little sweet, and very creamy, and... well, yeah. It's very rich and sweet.

K: nope.

6. Favourite gift received as a child?

K: (Looking over at the Christmas tree…) Ummm. Cute ducky. (with conviction) Puddles.

7. Do you have a nativity scene?

K: What’s a nativity scene?

B: It's the thing over on the TV stand with the baby Jesus and Mary and Joseph and the wise men and angel.

K: yes.

8. Hardest person to buy for?

K: I don’t have a person who’s hard to buy for.

9. Easiest person to buy for?

K: I don’t have that in my mind either.

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?

K: I don’t know. I’ve never had a worst gift.

11. Mail or email Christmas cards?

K: Well, I’m giving Dad and Lee a Christmas card, and I really think they don’t know this, and I want them to open it when I ask them to, and maybe they will do that. And in the mail I got a card that sings and the card sings… uh… where’s that card? Oh, it’s right here. My card sings “I want a hippopotamus for Christmas, only a hippopotamus will do, no crocodiles or rhinocerosuses (sic), I only like hippopotamususes (sic), and hippopotamuses like me too.”

12. What is your favourite Christmas movie?

K: The Grinch. Actually, no. I don't have a favourite movie.

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?

K: you don't.

B: Why?

K: Because you buy stuff for Christmas from a store, you don't buy Christmas. Right mom?

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

K: (wild laughter, pause, then coyly) No.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

K: Marshmallows. They're so so so so so yummy.

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree?

K: (looks at the tree) Clear lights are on the tree.

17. What is your favorite Christmas song?

K: Um. Jingle Bells. Now I have two questions - why has Santa come to town when it's Christmas to give you toys?

B: Maybe because he has lots of toys and he needs to give them away?

K: That's right. Now why does he come when it's Christmas eve?

B: Because when St. Nicholas first started giving out presents he wanted to do it on Jesus' birthday to remember the gift that God gave us...

K: (not listening at all, still playing with the singing hippopotamus card)

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?

K: We're going to have a Christmas vacation. That's go away for Christmas.

B: But we're staying here.

K: No we're not. We're going to have a Christmas vacation.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?

K: Prancer, Vixen, Donner and Cupid and Rudolph and Blitzen and Donner and Cupid and ... what are the other ones?

B: You only missed Dasher, Dancer and Comet.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?

K: I think star.

B: What do we have on our tree?

K: Santa. We have lots of Santas.

B: Is that okay?

K: yeah. And bells. And gingerbread men.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?

K: Christmas eve. I mean morning.

22. What I love most about Christmas?

K: Opening the presents!